tanvi's digital journal

I binge watched the Netflix show ‘Adolescence’ on a cloudy Wednesday evening. It has been years since I’ve binge watched anything, so to say that the show is ‘good’ would be an understatement. I’m not able to find the right words to describe the show, but the closest I can currently get to saying is that it hit me in the feels.

The internet is flooded with raving reviews about the show―the storytelling, the acting, the cinematography―and I agree with everything. The unspoken words, unanswered questions (where was the murder weapon, after all?), uncut sequences―all of that came together to create something unforgettable, something that affects you personally and keeps your thoughts occupied for days.

I was a 13-year-old adolescent a decade ago, but watching the show reminded me of the raging desire to fit in and be liked, the fluctuating emotions and heightened self-consciousness, the constant social comparisons based on attractiveness and intelligence—ingrained memories that characterized this stage of life. Adolescents are not the innocent, pure-hearted, and harmless ‘kids’ that many of us believe them to be. Fifth grade boys watching pornography, eighth grade girls posting topless pictures, boys rating girls according to their chest sizes and girls rating boys according to their popularity―all of this was going on when I was in school, and I believe it is only becoming worse.

Dealing with adolescents becomes a lot more complicated with the presence of social media. Social media, if you think about it, is a recent phenomenon. But the effect that it’s had on human beings, especially children and teenagers, cannot be limited to research paper findings. The deeper truth often lies in intangible and immeasurable factors, and TV shows like Adolescence do a great job at revealing the unsettling and complex realities of today.

Social media is supposed to be a great social leveller―a platform that enables diverse views to co-exist by giving an equal voice to everyone. However, the more time you spend on it, the more you get sucked into one stream of thought―whether it’s the red pill, anti-capitalist agenda, or the self-help and productivity space. Social media algorithms constantly feed you content that feels good to consume, making you more ignorant than informed.

I’ve been on social media since high school, and sometime last year, I reached a tipping point. I had the painful realization that I am always trying to be someone, except myself. This “someone” was defined by the online content I was exposed to. Alpha males told me that I will be desired only if I am slim and “submissive”. Radical feminists warned me that all men are perverts and cannot be trusted. Solopreneurs nodded their heads in disappointment at my 9-5 job. Career coaches prodded me to do an MBA because that is the only way I can achieve success in the corporate world. Productivity gurus told me that not waking up at 5 AM is a sin. Health influencers convinced me that allopathy is poison. Life coaches assured that I’ll be able to figure out life only if I follow their ‘7-day Take Charge of Your Life’ roadmap (which is often nothing but regurgitated, platonic content packaged as “wisdom”).

Yes, I know that these people were not specifically talking to me, but when you’re online long enough, you start to feel singled out because you lose touch with yourself. I was done allowing people on the internet dictate how I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to be doing, and so I restricted my activity on all social media platforms. I’m now trying to assemble the jigsaw puzzle of my life, piece by piece, by reading scriptures, talking to real people with real experiences, challenging myself to learn and do more things, and most importantly, appreciating myself for just existing.

I don’t want to sound like I’m preaching, or that I’m anti-social media. I’m not. There is a lot of trash online, but I’ve also come across insightful, entertaining, and I must say, life-changing content. The point I’m trying to make is that any piece of content you consume penetrates into your psyche with or without you realizing it, irrespective of your age, education, or family background. There is no actual divide between the online world and the offline world, and the impact of the former on the latter is stronger than you think, especially when you’re younger and don’t have a concrete conception of yourself.

Social media is here to stay, and its presence is only deepening in our lives. Adolescence was an eye-opener as it brought to light not a solution, but a problem which is too complex to be outlined. The show might not have been based on a real-life incident, but it is a foreboding to what could become too real, too soon. How to deal with it―I don’t know. But something needs to be done.

“There are no answers, only choices.”