tanvi's digital journal

I sometimes hesitate to call myself a writer. Although my professional designation has the word ‘writer’ in it, and I list ‘writing’ as one of my hobbies, I don’t think I’m qualified enough to call myself a… Writer, you know? I say this in a very matter of fact way, not out of self pity or anything. After all, I mostly just write about my thoughts, feelings, experiences, and observations.

Nevertheless, whether I’m a Writer or not, I still write. And I’ve been writing for many years now.

The beginnings

When I was four years old, my pre-school teacher told my parents (or rather, complained) that I often daydream and live in another world, instead of being present in the real one. She was right. I am in my twenties now and I don’t think much has changed.

Writing, I believe, is a natural consequence of spending too much time in one’s head. Since childhood, I’ve had the habit of scribbling random thoughts on random scraps of paper. Insignificant but cute stuff like this:

In fourth grade, we had an assignment to write a novel or a series of short stories. Our ‘books’ were then going to be displayed in an exhibition. I wrote five short stories for this assignment. I don’t know if fourth graders get assignments like these anymore, but I strongly believe they should. The book exhibition is one of my fondest memories from school. I was lucky that smartphones were not a thing back then, as I had the privilege of spending hours and hours concocting different stories, characters, and situations.

(EDIT: My brother helped me write this book. Thanks brother.)

While I did write stuff here and there as a kid, writing was not something towards which I consciously devoted time. I was not like some of my more creative and artistic counterparts who could write stories or poems out of thin air. I also did not read much as a kid, which may have been a reason for not writing much.

The great wall of vocabulary

I developed a reading habit only in middle school. I remember being more fascinated by words and sentences than the actual story of a book. I always kept a dictionary by my side while reading. If there was any word I did not know, I would immediately pull out its meaning from the dictionary and write it on a sticky note. And thus the great wall of vocabulary was built, sticky note by sticky note.

By the time I was in eighth grade, my vocabulary and height, both expanded. I began to enjoy writing as I got to experiment with all the new words I had been learning. It was also around this time when I started receiving praise on my writing from my teachers.

Blurred Positivity

I launched my first blog in 9th grade. The name of the blog was ‘Blurred Positivity.’ Don’t ask me why. I didn’t really think through the name, design, or purpose of this blog. All I remember is that I discovered Blogspot, realized it’s a platform on which you can write, and started my own blog. All of this happened in one evening.

I dedicatedly wrote on this blog for around two years. I mostly wrote about my different experiences at school and home. I also recall writing a few poems on patriotism and women empowerment. People started identifying me as a ‘blogger,’ and that felt good. In fact, I recently met some family friends to whom I had not spoken in years, and they still remembered this blog.

With the rise in popularity of social media, I stopped blogging and shifted to writing on social media platforms instead (more on that later). I rediscovered Blurred Positivity a couple of years ago and impulsively deleted it because of how unbelievably cringe it was (Teenage Tanvi was so extra). But, I regret doing that. Blurred Positivity symbolized the courage and confidence that I had in myself to share my writing publicly. I didn’t care about what others thought. I wrote because I wanted to. That’s all.

Over time, confidence waned and insecurity reigned. The blog you’re reading now is an attempt to regain this lost self-confidence.

Open letters on social media

Until now, I used to write mainly to experiment with words and phrases and use them in different ways to convey a message. High school (11th and 12th grade) was a difficult time for me, and it was around this time when I experienced the deeper, therapeutic power of writing and journaling. Writing became a means to express, to purge, to rejuvenate.

I was active on Facebook during this time. I was more drawn to written content than visual content, and thanks to the algorithm, I discovered Facebook pages that were dedicated specifically to writing. I used to send my write-ups to pages that accepted submissions from readers. Some were rejected, some were accepted and published. Some were anonymous, some with my name.

I used to receive real-time feedback from strangers who would comment on these pieces. It was encouraging to know that people around the world were reading and resonating with my writing. I am aware of the dangers of social media, but you have to admit that it is the greatest thing to happen for amateurs of any kind to display their work to the world.

My favorite pieces to write (and also the most well-performing ones based on the number of likes and comments) were ‘open letters.’ I would write a letter to a family member or friend, expressing my feelings for them. People would comment that they feel the same about their own family and friends, making me realize the universal and unifying power of love.

I’m not on Facebook anymore, and just like I made the mistake of deleting Blurred Positivity, I made the mistake of not saving these write-ups anywhere outside of Facebook. I did a quick search and found some pieces that still exist (thank you, internet). Some posts may have disappeared if the pages that published those went defunct, but that’s okay. It was a long time ago. I’m just glad and grateful that I could write and share my thoughts with others when I most needed to.

University days

English was one of my majors in university. Unsurprisingly, I found myself in the company of some great writers. Ideally, this should have inspired me to write more and get better at it. But it didn’t.

Welcome imposter syndrome. This is where the “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not supposed to be here,” “I have no talents or accomplishments,” thoughts kicked in. I stopped putting effort into writing because “What’s the point? I’m never going to be as good as the others in my class.”

I still wrote a lot because my course demanded that. But I wrote because I had to, not because I wanted to. Writing started to feel like a burden. The heaviness of not meeting the “standards” of a Literature student weighed me down. In hindsight, I realized that I struggled to write in university because I attached too many expectations to it. And time and again, life has reminded me that expectations = disappointment.

The good thing about college was that it exposed me to different types writing and media. Prose, poetry, graphic novels, theater scripts, research papers, journalistic articles, and so on. Even if I didn’t enjoy writing much during this phase, I still enjoyed reading the works of others.

Becoming a technical writer

After university, I applied for the role of a technical writing intern because it had the word “writing” in it. I was lucky to land that role, and since then there’s no looking back. It still feels kind of dreamy that writing for all these years helped me start my career. I’ve been a technical writer for close to 4 years now.

Technical writing in a professional setting is very different from other kinds of writing. When I was just starting out, I was startled when a mentor told me that writing is just 20% of the job. Over time, I’ve understood why. Tech writing involves a lot of research, planning, talking to people, curating, structuring, formatting, and dozens of other small but essential tasks. Also, tech writing is all about accuracy and conciseness. It can take somewhere between thirty minutes to an hour to write just a 150-word paragraph. There’s also a lot of editing and reviewing, which can be frustrating at times, but so worth it.

Creating technical content is challenging, but that’s what makes it fun and interesting. There’s so much to learn everyday. The rules and processes of technical writing have helped me improve my thinking and writing in general.

Closing remarks

I don’t know if I’m a good writer or not, but what I do know for sure is that writing has made me a better person. There have been many instances where I’ve not written anything for long stretches of time, but somehow, I keep going back to it. There’s something so alluring and powerful about words and expressions.

Am I scared of AI? Professionally, kind of. But I prefer to stay optimistic.

Personally, no. I’m still going to be writing even if AI can write better than me. Because for me, writing is not about the output. It’s about the act of writing itself.

Don’t be ‘a writer’, be writing.
– William Faulkner

EDIT: A few days after I wrote this, I was passing by the English and Foreign Languages University (EFLU) in Hyderabad and noticed the university motto:

“Words illumine the world.” Beautiful.